Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
love makes seman taste better
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
