i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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