I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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