I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
