wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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