my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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