Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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