They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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