my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
