no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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