Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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