i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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