remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
