I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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