dude i'm inner monologue high
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
