her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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