i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
