isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
