....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
