we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
