we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
not ubering you a puppy
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
