There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I want to be your penis for a week.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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