I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
