there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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