What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
