yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
