i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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