Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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