dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
