a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
