Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
