You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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