sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
