I wanna passion pit in your ass
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And then he peed in my hair
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