Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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