you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
