these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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