i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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