Welp...herpes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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