I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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