You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
