But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
