I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
