Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
