I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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