She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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