theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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