Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
