Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I skipped work to stalk him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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