Your tits are I can't wait for
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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