I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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