Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
