Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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