we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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