I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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