What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
