saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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