he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
