no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
