Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
