Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just google imaged poop.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
