I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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