I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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