I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
