if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize