I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
