Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
