I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
