Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
