Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
