Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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