Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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